Feeling like I don’t really know where to begin, but its grey outside and raining like hell which is pretty fitting for today’s mood. I’m not sure what it is, but as busy as I’ve been w/gigs this past month I still sit here feeling somewhat stagnant, one reason being that I haven’t been updating the blog as much as I’d like to. Things are happening, and I have things to look forward to, but I’m still frustrated. Not looking for sympathy, just stating the real because I think from the outside looking in things can often appear to be different. As much as I love this blog, I sometimes find myself wondering if I even want share so much. I know that there are people out there who enjoy it though, and even some who find it inspiring, so I’m going to keep pushing. It can be confusing sometimes-trying to figure out how to gauge all the projects and ideas I have inside.
July was a busy month and I got the opportunity to play some great events and meet lots of lovely people. Of course one event that sticks out was this past weekend in San Diego with Rick Wilhite for the Bouquet series, an outdoor event on the pier with the San Diego bay as the backdrop- it was an absolutely gorgeous view and day. During my set I truly felt in sync with the environment and people around me. It was my second time playing with Rick, who is an inspiration, and friend of mine for some years now. I still have tons of mix CD’s he used to give me when I’d come back home to the D to visit. As I’ve mentioned in the past, moments and opportunities like this bring things full circle in so many ways. I was a bit anxious in the beginning- I mean Keith Worthy, Patrice Scott among others were all in attendance. They are my friends, and I know they aren’t judging me by any means, but I still feel that fire within me to perform well in front of people that I look up to. The set in my opinion went perfect, and I was over whelmed by the response after- everyone said they loved it, and that made me feel so great. Being able to connect with people through music is a beautiful experience, and most definitely a joy in my life.
I got to play several shows in Atlanta last month as well, which was cool because I was starting to feel like one of those DJ’s who gets booked everywhere but in their hometown…lol. Which is definitely “a thing” in the DJ world. My only complaint about these hometown gigs though is getting paid about 80% less for my services. Budgets in Atlanta are pretty small and I understand that, so I sometimes still take these gigs because I love what I do, and most of the time it doesn’t feel like work. It is a crazy contrast though- to go from being this important headliner getting free flights and meals, to just a regular bloke getting paid the bare minimum I think a DJ should get. In the end, I suppose all the gigs balance each other out, and more than anything I’d like to keep touring. Not just for the money, but because it really is fun and rewarding. On the contrary, it can also be tiring and not as fun as you expected-but thats all apart of the game of course.
I’m not sure why I’ve been self loathing so much lately, but I guess its simply because I’d like to be more productive than I am currently. It’s been hard to be productive though because sometimes I just don’t feel motivated, or sometimes I’m simply distracted. Distracted by things that don’t deserve to be distractions. It’s so easy to get caught up with bullshit these days, and I’m really just trying to stay focused. Honestly, I can’t say I’m trying my best though, which is why when I woke up this morning I made the commitment to finish this blog post or die (lol…kidding.) Completing tasks makes me feel good, and is a reminder that I can do whatever I want to do as long as I take the time and effort to actually do it…and so can you. There’s a lot of expansion that I’d like to happen with Underground and Black, and although it hasn’t happened as quickly as I’d like, I still have a dream and a vision. Life in this day and age is far from easy, and I commend everyone just doing whatever they can do to stay happy and afloat. I don’t have all the answers, but just keep working towards whatever it is you want to do/be in this life. Even on days when you feel discouraged, just keep grinding.
I’m off to NYC then Europe at the end of the month. August 24 I’ll be playing at Nowadays with Olive T. and Turtle Bugg which I am really looking forward to. Ya’ll know I’m all about the preservation of black people in dance music, and this event will be just that. From there I’ll return to beloved Berlin for two weeks that will include some soon to be announced gigs. I’m not sure what the future has in store for post Berlin and as fall creeps in, but I just hope to stay busy. I’d also like to stay growing-which I know is inevitable.
I promise to check back in soon, and stay tuned for the first Underground and Black podcast coming before month’s end.
xx
Ash ❤
Underground & Black 
I loved reading this! And I feel the same way about not feeling like I’m doing enough (but then again I’m not traveling as much as u lmao) (I really admire though that u push yourself… just also don’t be too had on yourself but I get it cause I’m the same way!) U will get what u want and u will get where u want! Let’s shoot again soon! (Sometimes to minimize bs I try to not get on social media as much) Thank you for sharing
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Thanks so much for reading and the feedback Cristina, I appreciate you! Def think social media can be a culprit…going to keep pushing nonetheless! And i for sure want to shoot again soon, I will be in touch. xoxo ❤
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