Hey there, its me! The girl who deleted her last post because she wasn’t content with the way it turned out. Um yeah- Although well written, I realize it was “just one of those days”, and that maybe I shouldn’t put that type of energy out there. Rewind to that day, which was about a week ago, and I was feeling extremely insecure and uncertain of the future. That is still true in some aspects, as we all have our insecurities and uncertainties in life, yet here I am today with a much better outlook on things. I went from being jobless with only one gig booked for the entire month of October, to getting two job offers and 4 gig opportunities all in less than a weeks time. It actually made me feel quite stupid as I was freaking out over what ended up to be nothing but overthinking and overanalyzing. What that situation taught me though, is to simply have patience, because you never know what the future has in store.
I also deleted my last post because I didn’t want to seem entitled, or ungrateful. I know there are tons of people who would kill to do some of the things I’ve had the opportunities to do in regards to music and DJing. I do think the difference between me and a lot of folks though, is that I made a conscious decision to not simply choose the DJ path as a novelty, but as a career. I’m still figuring that part of my life out, and even though I’m starting a new day job next week, my ultimate goal is to still be a full time DJ touring the world. I don’t think those aspirations are illegitimate, but I think a lot of people are fearful of even attempting to pursue that path. I’m saying all of this to say that this is the reason why I’m so hard on myself about gigs and what not, because I want to do this full time. You know, like the new catch phrase “booked and busy”, thats what I’m trying to be! That being said, I decided to move forward with the day job mainly for financial reasons, oh and then theres the health benefits and all.
This new chapter is going to be an interesting one, but I’m up for the challenge. I still have my weekends to myself, so I at least will still be able to do stateside stuff when opportunities arise. One of the main aspects of life that I’m starting to respect more is simply putting in work to get to where you want to be, no matter what it takes. Sure I may not be able to sleep in anymore, or take extended vacations, but trust me, when its all said and done I’ll get that back. I had a nice 7 month break of traveling and basically doing whatever the hell I want, so now its time to get back disciplined. To be honest, I’ve never really been the hardest worker, and I’m still learning how to be. On the contrary, I’m all about enjoying life and taking time for family, friends, and travel, so don’t worry- I’ll never lose sight of that, as its who I am as a person.
Speaking of hard work, I’d like to mention my recent Truants Mix that dropped yesterday. I recorded 3 versions of it, and absolutely loved the 3rd one, minus a little slip up during a transition, and one track that I simply wasn’t feeling, so I recorded it one more time hoping for perfection. I can’t say perfection was the outcome, but I can say that I am in love with the mix, and worked hard on it. I’m proud of the outcome, and have been following the Truants Blog for a couple years now after I obsessed over Mr. G.’s Truancy Volume from 2016. As some of you know, I got really anti guest mix for a while, but not for a second was I going to turn down this opportunity. Something I strongly believe in is quality over quantity-so whether than do 20 regular ass guest mixes, I rather do 3 quality and meaningful mixes. I played the music I love, and I hope I got my point across. What’s cool about DJing is that its an opportunity to show the world just how unique you are. The music I play is a reflection of my soul, and I hope you feel me when you hear it.
Moving into my second year as a DJ, I don’t think I could ask for more. Trust me, I’m not rich, and I haven’t all the way “made it”, but I’m on my way. My experiences in Europe were incredible, and I will never forget a second of it. From playing with Josey Rebelle and Peggy Gou at Dimensions Festival, to being on the guest list at Berghain, to playing after Fred P. at Tresor- it was all magical! The weekend before last in NYC and DC was also amazing. The DC gig was posh, and gave me a taste of what this life could really be like. Car service, dope hotel, quality food and drink (which was all free btw), I mean damn, it was so cool! And not to take away from NYC at Le Bain with Stefan, bc we had so much fun. The summer was filled with so many memories, so many lovely people, and so many positive experiences that have left me forever changed- playing the music that I love is something I deeply cherish.
I’m sure this post isn’t as compelling as the one I deleted was, but these words feel much better. Theres nothing wrong with being transparent, or “keeping it real”, but this post is real too, perhaps even realer, because I am actually happy in many aspects. I have a lot to be grateful for, as do many of you, so thats what I’m choosing to focus on right now. As humans, we all have those days when we are down, and thats okay, but when you’re down, take some time to think about all the things we have to smile about, because best believe theres someone out there who’s got it way worse than you.
In closing I just want to say thank you again for all the love and support! As a black woman trying to navigate in a world that often doesn’t want to see us win, I’m making my mark on this earth and that wouldn’t be possible without so many of you! To the readers, listeners, believers, dancers, and supporters, I appreciate you!!!!!
-Ash ❤
Underground & Black 